Alex is NUDE.
Alex is Nude.
Alex is Nude.
Alex is Nude.
Editor’s Note: I received a bunch of distressing e-mails recently. I am not entirely sure why. I believe that they had to do with Owlchemy Labs, our partner in crime on F=ma (which is the iOS version of Aaaaa!). Here’s a bit of what was said in the e-mails.
E-mails from Concerned Fans Begin Here!
Explanation #1 (12/30/11): Having recently purchased this fine piece of gaming history, I settled in for what I had imagined would be a night to remember for all time (and not one of those sappy “dinner on the pier with a glass of vintage chardonnay and the one woman on Earth who will put up with you” nights, no, I mean one of those, “Just finished building a rocket ship in my daylight basement and am preparing to launch myself to the moon where I will no longer have to think about that one woman on Earth who put up with me until she decided she liked my so-called best friend better than me” nights.)
Explanation #2 (12/30/11): I tried running the game in wine on Linux and spilt it all over myself, please help!
Editor’s Note: Look at how carressive the hand is over the wine.
Explanation #3 (12/30/11): weird bug where whenever I’d spray a tag on a building it would just say “Alex is Nude”. I like that touch and all, but did you really have to put that Renaissance-like picture of Alex in there? I mean, you can almost see his everything. I dunno if I feel comfortable falling anymore if I know I’m spraying a sexy naked guy for points.
Explanation #4 (12/30/11): I also had one question: How do buildings float in the air?
Editor’s note: Polystructures! They’re in the opening clip.
Explanation #5 (12/30/11): I launched steam on my laptop, as I normally do, and play AaAaAA Awesome for the first time after this update. I am playing the XMas levels when I suddenly hear a clicking noise. Strange, I thought it was in game, but NOPE! A flame popped out of the USB port on the left side as the laptop caught fire. I freaked out!… P.S. The game needs more Llamas.
Editor’s Note: This is not my llamas. It is an alpaca. Nature’s most beautiful creature.
Explanation #6 (12/30/11): It gets worse though. Whenever I try to start it up again, my computer starts to leak carbon monoxide, and my fish tank catches on fire. I’ve already lost three fish, and I’m expecting 2 new Betta fish, and 1 clown fish to be shipped to my house, as a form of reimbursement… I can still play other games in my Steam library, yet it seems like some things from Aa have “leaked” from it, to my other games. I’m 99.12455324% certain that Skyrim, Mass Effect 2, Serious Sam 3, Deus Ex, and Amnesia DON’T have scoring plates in them. I also don’t think that buildings are supposed to turn color when I drive by them in GTA 4 either.
Explanation #7 (12/30/11): I was playing Aaaaawesome until like half an hour ago and I was going for that 4096 jumps achievement. But as soon as I finished it hell broke lose. I don’t know exactly WHAT is happening since I’m too afraid to go near the window and lift the curtain, but all I can hear are explosions and peoples screams. I’m pretty confident some friggin’ war or something has started or the undead walk on earth or so and it is proven that all this is caused by this achievement! Is there any way to undo it, like using a time machine or something? And don’t tell me you don’t have one!
Editor’s Note: This is a child’s drawing of a betta fish.
Explanation #8 (12/30/11): So I loaded up aaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! for the Awesome and it brought up the steam overlay and starting googling for llama porn and taxidermy and taxidermist porn. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen taxidermists but they’re the last people you want to see in porn.
Explanation #9 (12/30/11): Hullo, I had a really absurd sort of bug come up in the AaaaAAaaa for the Awesome game. I was playing the game on one of the Christmas levels and then when I was about to land it made me fall through the bottom of the world and I happened to end up falling through pitch blackness in some endless loop so I figure OK, I’ll exit out. The next time I launched up the game there were floaty pixels of what looked like half-llama and half-viagra-bottle sorts of unholy chimeras floating all around the place and turning things all sorts of different shades of green and blue. The next thing I knew there were ducks. Lots and lots of ducks. I actually managed to FRAPs a youtube video of it in action before it bugged out completely.
Explanation #20 (12/30/11): Yeah, it seems like unlocking the 4096 achievement doesn’t trigger the third world war, but it started The Wonderful End Of The World and now it won’t stop until I play it through. That wouldn’t be a problem at all, since I already got all achievements and stuff, but something’s odd. First: The game is completely in japanese. Even the music, like in the main menu and the potato ARG levels, is all in japanese. Next strange thing: You play as a cat. Not that man that sucks everything up, but a cat. A green cat, which sucks things up, even if they are far bigger than me. Next: The highscorescreen of every level got completely wiped and filled with my name plus some seemingly random numbers, not in japanese.
Explanation #21 (12/31/11): Approximately 15 minutes after the first crash, I heard something not too different than what could be described as an “old-timey-voodoo-whistle.” Shortly after, I hear something that sounds like a parachute. I check outside and I see a man parachuting down from the sky with a package strapped to his back. I continue to watch him outside my apartment window until he gently landed. He brushed himself off and reassured his apparently worried conscious that “no bones were broken, 4 stars.” He began to walk up my apartment steps and, sure enough, rang my bell. I was a little apprehensive to answer, but I worked up enough courage and created a facade in my head that would allow me to act as if I hadn’t been stalking his departure from wherever he had arrived from.
“Hello?”, I called before opening the door. There was no response. I sighed, and opened the door. What happened next could only be described as unusual and unsavory. He unzipped his satchel from his back and quickly shoved two boxes in my hands and ran off, over the nearby hill. I stood there, astonished, wondering what the hell had just happened. I looked at the two boxes he had given me. I had been graciously given two boxes of “100% Natural Teas, Celestial Seasonings” both in the “Fruit Tea Sampler” and “Chamomile” flavors. I do enjoy tea and my modus vivendi typically starts with a mug of tea, so the gift was well received, albeit unusual. I called after him with the only word I could muster at the time, “WHAT?!”
I closed the door and sat back down at my desk. And then it happened again. Another voodoo whistle.
I am currently discovering for every unsuccessful attempt at launching the Christmas DLC, 12 minutes and 42 seconds later, to the second, another parachuter lands outside my apartment, handing me two boxes of the aforementioned tea. I had to type this to you in the breathing space provided to me. You need to fix this. Or don’t and I’ll just keep getting tea for the next day or so because I’m a persistent loser who doesn’t seem to understand when a game doesn’t work it simply just doesn’t work.
Editor’s Note: This is not an ad. It’s a screenshot of the above player’s post when fed into a beta version of Chrome.
Explanation #22 (12/31/11): You see, soon after I booted the game, my computer mysteriously started growing a spongy material on the CPU and GPU. I initially thought that this was just a build up of dust, but then after buying a new, top of the line PC, the same thing happened. I confirmed that it was because of your game by installing only a new copy of windows 7, and your game. It was only after your game had been run the that the growth appeared. I have now started selling the stuff, in pill form, as a psychedelic drug. Would you consider taking this feature out, but supplying me (and only me) a copy that continues this growth? I would be willing to give you a cut of the profits if you would be willing to do so.
P.S. I would also be willing to pay for the development of the code to increase the growing speed.
Explanation #23 (12/31/11): Been having a problem with the DLC levels making it so bad that I can’t even select or play the levels due to corrupted images preventing from choosing the level. Otherwise game works beatufilly on Unity engine, Owlchemy Labs worked so hard on this game and it shows. God I love those guys (Owlchemy Labs) more than you (Dejobaan Games.)
Editor’s Note: He obviously does. Fine!
Explanation #24 (12/31/11): I was greeted with a strange home screen of a naked man dancing to the tune of “Walk Like a Man” and beckoning me toward him. This made the rather aroused, and unable to control myself, I proceeded to launch a large quantity of vomit onto my keyboard. Normally, this would not upset me, but the keyboard shorted out and the USB port melted, causing extensive damage to my motherboard.
Explanation #25 (12/30-31/11): I started up Awesome on the highest graphical settings, and for around half an hour it was running wonderfully (great game by the way). After this, the most absurd thing started to happen. My computer’s CD tray started opening and closing in sync to the Awesome announcer’s voice, and then the voice started to warp, until it became demonic. Then, it began to speak again. “I WILL EAT YOUR CAT”, it screamed, in that same demonic voice, and proceeded to devour my cat whole.
Explanation $30 (12/31/11): I got bored and decided to jump through one of the pictures in the sky. I went through the one where a one of the devs admits to popping little kid’s balloons, though i don’t think it’s important which one. All of a sudden the game crashed and over 9000 penises came flying straight out of the screen! I quickly grabbed my trusty sword and escaped through the portal beneath my bed. It teleported me to the land of angry fire-midgets that stored 4 leaf clover in their buttholes for good luck. I decapitated the first five, yet even more showed up, but I managed to fight them off. I hid in a cave where I survived on nothing but keyboard filth and bits of my own feces, when suddenly a hungry giant appeared that pancakes electricity syrup. So I ran across the hallway and I was scared, so I opened the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur and I woke up with wet bed sheets!
Editor’s Note: The Fine Young Cannibals in 1976.
Explanation $31.50 (1/1/12): Firstly when trying to start the game up in Steam I got an error code 8008212 followed by the words I am afraid there are too many A’s in the title of the game you are trying to launch. Then, quite unexpectedly my computer began randomly uploading pictures of real life skydivers directly onto the Desktop from Google chrome’s web browser. I cannot get it to stop. I am having to write this email a word at a time in between trying to delete said pictures as they keep popping up. I do not know whether or not this is a known bug or simply someone having hacked into your game for nefarious purposes.
Explanation #43 (1/2/12): Hi, i tried opening For the awsome today and it refused to start untill i fed the game a doughnut. So I tried to do this multiple ways including trying to pass the sweet goods through the screen (which ended up as a mess), inserting it into the disk tray which also did not fit and finally directly into my hard drive, however these attempts seem to have ruined my computer. I believe this is your fault and you owe me for my broken computer which was worth £10,231.74 exactly, thanks!
From: F. R:
Finally, a note from Alex S (Owlchemy Labs):
Actually, that image is not anatomically correct. I’ll fix that for you:
Editor’s Note: It means that he has lasting appeal with the ladies.
ALSO: THANK YOU FOR TELLING US THESE THINGS. THESE WERE IMPORTANT MESSAGES WHICH, WITHOUT YOU, WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN TOLD US.